NO means NO

So I had sent the following email to the Bad Date guy letting him know that the hour I had spent with him was more than enough to suffice.
__________________________________________________________
Hi Bad Date,

I'm glad you had a fun road trip with your mom, it's great to add to the memory bank for later on in life. I'm sure you had a lot of laughs on the road!

I have to be honest with you: I don't feel like we're a very good match. I had a nice time talking with you over lunch, but I'm just not feeling it. Good luck dating, there's someone out there for everyone!

All the best,
Marsha

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.
__________________________________________________________

That email had been carefully crafted with both male and female advisors.
40 minutes later I get the following response (and no, you can’t make this up):
__________________________________________________________
Hey Marsha.

I think someone has hacked into your blackberry. I just got a strange email from someone who is "not feeling it" ??? Wow.
Anyway, when do you want to meet up?

-Bad Date
__________________________________________________________

Hmm, HIGHLY disturbing. I didn’t think he was trying to be funny because he had not once been funny previously. He had been insecure and downright boring, but never funny. So if he was trying to make a joke out of my email…well, he failed. And I don’t know anyone who would respond positively to an email like his because I came right out and said “NO” and he writes back “YES.” That doesn’t bode well for future “NO’s” I’d be giving him. So I ignored his email, but I did forward it to just about everyone I know. I assumed I was free of him, and his psychotic “Yes” email was just positive affirmation that I most definitely did the right thing.

So the next day rolls around and I’m still chuckling about the email (yet a little frightened because it was so presumptuous). I was horrified when at 10:47 AM the following emails hits my Blackberry with the subject: "Hacked?"
__________________________________________________________
Hi Marsha, well I guess it wasn't a hacker after all. Anyway, no problems, it was nice to meet you. You seem like a great girl, I was happy to have the chance to get to know you.

If the fact that I am still married was the problem, of course I totally understand. I guess I should have made it more clear that I am still early in that process. It has taken some time to get to this point, and for the sake of her and my family, and not to drop this bomb on the law firm I just rejoined in the first few months of my being here, I choose not to make this public yet. Only my family and a few very close friends know what is going on now. But soon the divorce will be public (the marriage is over with zero chance of reconciliation).

I guess I am telling you this on the chance that when all this is behind me, I'd be perfectly willing to meet up for coffee and start over! If you want to chat or whatever in the mean time feel free to shot me an email, consider me a friend.
[If it has nothing to do with that and you 'just aint feelin me, dog'; so be it, no problem, different strokes and all that ...]

Thanks Marsha
-Bad Date
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Where to begin? Do I even need to add comment to this? I have to:
- “I was happy to have the chance to get to know you” --- do you know me? We met once, for just over an hour. I had a grilled cheese and a Diet Coke. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Glad you got the chance to know me.
-“If the fact that I am still married was the problem, of course I totally understand.” I really don’t have to add anything, this speaks for itself. But additional problems with you are that you’re FUG and BORING. Try Invisalign, Crest White Strips, and get a personality.
-"and not to drop this bomb on the law firm I just rejoined" --- I can't say this any better than a friend of mine did: Dude, you are not Tom Cruise and this is not "The Firm". No one cares!
-“I'd be perfectly willing to meet up for coffee and start over!” That’s great that you’re willing, but I think I made it pretty clear I am NOT interested. Go away.
-“just aint feelin me dog”??? WTF.

Thankfully that was the last of the DIRECT contact. Indirectly, he called our mutual “friend” who set us up and also said he was cute [insert gagging here] and asked her what he did wrong. Dude, we met once over lunch. I wasn’t interested. Stop obsessing and get over it. But just to be kind I told her it was the divorce thing. She said she was going to try and set him up with another girl in the office. GO AHEAD! But I just might have to warn here about the snaggletooth.