Where's the love? Oh, here it is.

Remember I bitched about not being interviewed by the local media for my ascent of Kilimanjaro? But that lame-ass guy who raised a $100 for celiac disease got an interview?

Well, I got my due. The local outdoor shop where I dropped a significant amount of cash in preparing for my trip nominated me as their "local hero" and while I won't be featured in any print media, I will be a hero on a daily news website. Woo hoo! (We all know my love of things online, how fitting.)

I only did the interview a few days ago, but already I'm stressed that I'll come across like a narcissistic asshole. How does a reporter accurately reflect my statements in his written materials when all he has is a notebook full of scribbled soundbites?

Yeah, so that's what we're going to blame if I sound totally douchy -- we blame the reporter. Because anyone who knows me (or reads this blog) knows I'm sweet, kind-hearted and infinitely tolerant of those around me. Love you!

PS: Of course I googled the reporter before we met and while he has published nothing of significance, I did come across a website where he was offering his services as a freelance creative writer and in his profile he wrote: "He resides in Connecticut with his cat Miho. Pretty much everything he does is to keep her appeased." Then I googled "Miho" and it's some japanimation chick. And you know what? When I met him I realized his is totally that guy who is a slave to a cat.

PPS: Shit, I just proved exactly why I am the d-bag asshole. Hopefully the reporter didn't pick up on it!

You've just [re]subscribed to Match.com. Your new love life awaits.

I just spent $60.57 on a three-month membership to match.com. While some of you had requested eHarmony, I went with the cheaper alternative. Hey, we are in a recession! Plus, I already had my old match profile ready to roll. eHarmony wanted to ask me 1,001 questions and I wasn't feeling honest with myself, never mind an online questionnaire.

So stay tuned! I hope to be entertaining you soon with the trials and tribulations of dating dudes like our old favorites OffshoreDave and RoboDate. I'll get free drinks out of it, you'll get the laughs...it's win-win!

And who knows, maybe I'll meet someone decent who will inspire me to deactivate my match.com profile. Ok, ok, let's not jump the gun here.

Heel Walker

a new neighbor moved in to my building. directly below me. and whoever it is -- he/she is a HEEL WALKER. each and every footfall slams into their floor and i can hear each and every footstep in my unit -- which is ABOVE their unit. it's nearly unbearable. i even heard this person stomping around at 4:25 AM on saturday morning. i get up early but not THAT early. and definitely not on a saturday.

curiosity (and irritation) got the best of me. as soon as it was dark on saturday evening, which, in case you hadn't noticed, is by 6 PM these days, i went outside to see if i could spot this person thorugh their windows. totally pervy, i know. fuck you. maybe i'll come look in your windows next. (the very thought makes me sick. yeah, f u again.)

i looked up at their unit and it appeared they have dark drapes on the living room windows. damn. there was a flat panel TV mounted on a wall, but no sign of the resident, who momentarily was NOT stomping around their unit. probably loafing on their sofa, watching college football. the rest of the weekend progressed in a now-typical stomping/foot slamming fashion.

monday evening i got home from work early. i was heading into the building to check my mail when i paused, in full daylight, to peer up at slamfoot's unit in hopes of catching a glimpse of my lead-footed neighbor. and that's when i noticed it was not DRAPES in the living room windows blocking my view. no, no -- that would be far too classy. this person --slamfoot-- has a GIANT CARDBOARD BOX, deconstructed to flatness, over the half the windows in his/her living room. corrugated cardboard. complete with the label "this end up" and the explanatory arrow. in the window. of our high-end condo complex.

beautiful, just beautiful. there goes the neighborhood...