A message came in from "Kritios Boy" that started with the usual blah blah blah...but then it got interesting. Paragraph 2 of his message reads:
I have all my own teeth and hair. I love the outdoors; and enjoy all kinds of music, & most of all I enjoy cooking. I don't have any pets that I am aware of, unless you count the birds in the yard. I have a degree in engineering, however I moved into marketing & really enjoy working in the women's healthcare. I'll be more than happy to send you some pics if you reply.
"I have all my own teeth and hair." I had to double check his profile -- which did NOT include a picture -- to see how old this guy was. 39!!! Ok, I could totally see if he was 60 and felt compelled to rave about original teeth and hair...but 39? It's a bit young for that to be a highlight.
I didn't know what "Kritios" meant, so I decided to google it to see if there was any significance. Well what do you know! The oh-so-reliable Wikipedia tells me: The marble Kritios boy or Kritian Boy belongs to the Early Classical period of ancient Greek sculpture.
If you're as uneducated in the Early Classical period of ancient Greek sculpture as I was, allow me to educate you: it's all about full-frontal male nudity of pre-teen boys.
So that's what this guy has selected for his profile name -- nude Greek boys. I had been curious to see a photo of the original hair and teeth, I mean gosh, they were featured features...but I'm fairly certain any pic I received from Boy Wonder would contain full-frontal male nudity and I'm just not down with that.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Meth Head
I got a wink from someone named Jimmeth411. I was bewildered from the start as to why someone would use the phrase "meth 411" in his user name...but even more shocked when the wink notification email from Match - which includes part of one's profile - reveals that my pill-popping friend started his profile with:
Its hard to be humble....when your perfect
After which the Match email cut off the profile. (To read more you must log in to match.com). So all I know is he's a potential meth-head who thinks he's perfect...yet he is already a perfect failure at grammar with the "its" and "your" -- versus "it's" and "you're".
I informed Sissy of my new admirer to which she responded:
I, sure he is jsut james michael ethelany born march 11
The above line is directly from our email exchange -- where egregious grammar and spelling errors are commonplace. But people, please, edit your online profile! Please.
I responded to Sissy:
Well March is actually the THIRD month, so that would be 311. Nice try.
And back she came:
Oh right. Yes he meth head.
While I could certainly expand on my knowledge of methamphetamines...I'm not looking to do this as part of a relationship.
Moving on....
Its hard to be humble....when your perfect
After which the Match email cut off the profile. (To read more you must log in to match.com). So all I know is he's a potential meth-head who thinks he's perfect...yet he is already a perfect failure at grammar with the "its" and "your" -- versus "it's" and "you're".
I informed Sissy of my new admirer to which she responded:
I, sure he is jsut james michael ethelany born march 11
The above line is directly from our email exchange -- where egregious grammar and spelling errors are commonplace. But people, please, edit your online profile! Please.
I responded to Sissy:
Well March is actually the THIRD month, so that would be 311. Nice try.
And back she came:
Oh right. Yes he meth head.
While I could certainly expand on my knowledge of methamphetamines...I'm not looking to do this as part of a relationship.
Moving on....
McLovin
So I'm live on Match.com. I'm also extraordinarily busy at work so I've been neglecting my matches. And they have been noticing.
Email #1 from "iammclovin" -- get it, McLovin? Lame.
Does this mean I have to move to Conn?
I didn't respond (although my first instinct was to write back "No.") for a few reasons:
-His profile pic is a sketchy webcam photo.
-He's from Long Island. I have nothing against LI, but I do have something against commuting for love.
-His profile starts out with "sorry about the webcam photo but I work a full-time job."
Really? Guess what: I work a full time job and then some, yet I manage to have pictures of me taken by a human being. Because of my full-time-job-and-then-some situation, I never responded. I was too busy.
Two days later, McLovin takes another shot:
Looks like I don't have to rent a Uhaul
Nope, no you do not. But I'm still so swamped at my full-time-job-and-then-some that I don't respond. In fact, there was a solid week where I didn't log in to Match once. (Although I have the supreme pleasure of getting these messages forwarded to my iPhone.) I was too busy to care about my non-response, figuring he'd get the message.
So two days after that, imagine my surprise when McLovin reached out again:
Hey how many guys are willing to come from another state to see you?
Okay, McLovin, you crossed the line: you are officially creepy.
Email #1 from "iammclovin" -- get it, McLovin? Lame.
Does this mean I have to move to Conn?
I didn't respond (although my first instinct was to write back "No.") for a few reasons:
-His profile pic is a sketchy webcam photo.
-He's from Long Island. I have nothing against LI, but I do have something against commuting for love.
-His profile starts out with "sorry about the webcam photo but I work a full-time job."
Really? Guess what: I work a full time job and then some, yet I manage to have pictures of me taken by a human being. Because of my full-time-job-and-then-some situation, I never responded. I was too busy.
Two days later, McLovin takes another shot:
Looks like I don't have to rent a Uhaul
Nope, no you do not. But I'm still so swamped at my full-time-job-and-then-some that I don't respond. In fact, there was a solid week where I didn't log in to Match once. (Although I have the supreme pleasure of getting these messages forwarded to my iPhone.) I was too busy to care about my non-response, figuring he'd get the message.
So two days after that, imagine my surprise when McLovin reached out again:
Hey how many guys are willing to come from another state to see you?
Okay, McLovin, you crossed the line: you are officially creepy.
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