What adult woman shops in the junior’s department? Sometimes it’s a mom shopping for her pre-teen or teenage daughter. Sometimes it’s a tiny woman who can only fit in junior-sized clothing. Sometimes it’s a hip and stylish woman, looking for the latest trend in print t-shirts. [Ed Hardy, go away already!!] And sometimes it’s an adult woman…shopping for a bra that may actually fit her.
Despite what Judy Bloom instilled in all our minds 20 years ago, “We must, we must, we must increase our bust” did not work for some of us the way it did for Margaret. Some of us managed to grow into adults without moving into a full cup size. And no, that’s not “I’m a big B, nearly a C.” Sadly, some of us remain entrenched in the AA camp.
I’ve never worn a shirt with darts that fit correctly. Or a dress that was not baggy on top. Or a bikini top where I did not have to pray it would stay down versus riding up over my “mosquito bites.” I have always worried more that my broad shoulders will fit into a blouse than an ample bosom. Recently, as a bridesmaid in a wedding I wore 2 strapless bras to fill out the fitted top of the halter-neck dress. Diamonds can go to hell: my chicken cutlets and my (soon-to-be-retired) Nubra are my real best friends.
On the bright side: I’ve always jogged comfortably. I sleep flat on my stomach. J Crew shelf bra tanks are more than enough support. Men address me to my face, not to my chest. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like something was missing. I got hips, why not tits?
Recently I was at a party and my friend Samantha’s button up shirt was gaping. “Samantha,” I said jokingly, “You’re being indecent.” Her boyfriend was nearby and happily invited himself into our conversation. “Samantha has nothing up top,” he informed me. “Don’t talk to me about nothing on top,” I said. “All I’ve got is Junior Mints.”
He took one look at me and said “No, Samantha has Junior Mints. You…you’ve got Thin Mints.”
And the rest is history.
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