I was "Justin Beaver" last night!

The 4 guys who make up my team and I were at our usual lunch place in Manhattan (Lenny's, 9th and 43rd). The guys are all older than I am, married, with 9 kids among them ranging in age from 16 months to 16 years. So I figured one of them would be able to answer my question:

Who's Justin Beaver?

I should have known by the way one of my colleagues reacted that I best drop my line of questioning...but I didn't get it. Yet. But I would get it later and the pain still lingers as I type these words.

My colleague, someone I consider a dear friend who tells it like it is with no BS and who has a filthier mind and mouth than yours truly, practically has an aneurysm. I can see him starting to lose his sh!t, I can see he is just barely clinging to the edges of his sanity and that he is bursting with a joke so vile, yet so funny (to him) that he can hardly contain himself. And that only the presence of our boss, a 50-something executive seated between us, is keeping him from saying what he is clearly dying to say.

But I ignored him, I ignored what I thought was his childish reaction to my use of the word "beaver" and its somewhat ridiculous association with a vagina. I ignore the looks and the snickering passing among the 3 guys at the far end of the table and I blazed ahead:

Yeah, Justin Beaver. I keep hearing ads on the radio to meet Justin Beaver and I thought maybe you guys with kids would know about Justin Beaver. I think Justin Beaver is a musician, or maybe an actor. It seems like teenagers are all about Justin Beaver...any thoughts? Anyone know Justin Beaver?

The awkwardness at the table was becoming physical. Even I was squirming now, but not from repressed laughter. No one could swallow their food because chewing the same mouthful was all that was keeping them from either saying something they would regret or breaking down in hysterical laughter. And I still didn't get it. Is "beaver" really that ridiculous of a word? It's a legititmate last name, I once knew a guy from the U.K. whose last name was Beavor. "Seriously," I'm thinking. "Grow up."

I even go so far as to google Justin Beaver on my iPhone...and sadly, no hits. I look like a lunatic.

So I drop Justin Beaver. And I'm annoyed at their reaction: WTF, we can't use the word beaver anymore? What if it were in reference to woodland creatures? You know, the dam builders?

Lunch goes on, only marginally less awkward now that I'm not asking "who's Justin Beaver?" And so Justin Beaver is forgotten...until we leave lunch and are walking back to the office. My colleague whose head nearly blew up from trying to contain his hysteria pulls me aside and says "Do you WANT to get me fired?"

"I swear, there's an ad on the radio...!!!"

"Yeah, well it was all I could do to NOT say 'I was just in beaver last night!'"

Oh. My. God.

I thought it was the "beaver" part they were laughing at. No - it was the Simpsons' style phone prank name innuendo: JUST IN BEAVER. I was mortified. This was no Amanda Huginkiss, this wasn't Oliver Clothesoff...no, this was Justin Beaver. And I must have said "Who's Justin Beaver" about 50 times over the course of that lunch, completely oblivious to what my colleagues were hearing. No wonder that was so uncomfortable and awkward.

But I still could not let it go. I did not make this person up: Justin Beaver exists, even if his name is ridiculous. Back at the office I google "Justin Beaver" and "musician"...and I get a hit:

Justin Bieber.

A shaggy-haired 15 year old Canadian singing sensation with an enormous teen following. He will soon be performing in the area and the radio stations are lining up plenty of "beaver" to lust after him in person. Bieber. With a B, not V.

Of course I send an email to the guys with a link to his MTV fan page to prove I am not insane (just deaf) and to cover my ass in the eventual HR intervention relating to Beavergate.

My boss responds to the email "Still haven't heard of him."

And so "Who's just in beaver?" goes down in history. But hopefully not in my annual performance review.